Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
