There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
