True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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