I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
