Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
