im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize