Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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