So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
