I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
