I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
