my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
