just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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