so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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