if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
