$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
