So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
