That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize