Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
