then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
