a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
