I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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