I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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