She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
