he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
