I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
