This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
