i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize