so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
