He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
