i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
