i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
