i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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