Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
