Church boner. Awkwardddd
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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