Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
