I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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