I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
