girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
