I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
