My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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