i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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