Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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