a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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