dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
