You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
