i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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