I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
