Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
