FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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