I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
