I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
