Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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