all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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