who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize