About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
