# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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