If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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