Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
