remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
