Nicole vs. Life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
