McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
