Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
