life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
