My liver just broke up with me...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
