You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
