Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
