We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I FOUND THE LEGS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
