He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
