What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
