She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
