i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize