The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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