do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
