I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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