I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
