You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
