um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
