And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
