Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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