At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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