I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
