STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
