foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
