This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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