your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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