i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
