I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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