its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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