Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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