: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
