If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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