It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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