I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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