She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
