You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
