what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
