Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
