Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
