I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
