My brain says no but my pants say off.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
