i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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