I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
