Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize