Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
