It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
