Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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