It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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