So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
